How to be a good girlfriend

Question

I’m in my mid-twenties and have been in several long-term relationships, all of which ended badly. Repeatedly I was told by boyfriends that I was a “bad” girlfriend and that this was one of the reasons our relationship ended (this despite the fact that two of them were cheating on me at the time!). Still, I’m starting to wonder if there’s something to this accusation. My close girl friends all tell me that “you’re perfect the way you are” and “if they can’t see it they don’t deserve you,” but of course they’re going to say that; it’s your best friends’ job to love you and tell you you’re wonderful when you’re feeling down. But, still. Maybe there are elements of truth in this. Can anyone give me good advice on how to be a good girlfriend?

Answer 1

Maybe the problem isn’t so much you, but more your choice in men. Two different guys blaming you for the relationship problems whilst simultaneously cheating on you? That sounds like you’re choosing the same type of loser over and over again. Maybe try asking your friends advice when you meet a new guy (they’re often more perceptive because they’re not blinded by attraction). Or try and figure out if you have a “type” and are only dating men that fit this “type”. If the answer is yes and your “type” is loser reject who thinks he’s a gift to womankind, then maybe you need a new “type”.

Answer 2

When in doubt, refer back to Cosmo (my mother told me this when I was about 12 – surprisingly, it turned out to be good advice). So, the Cosmopolitan website has the following advice for how to be a good girlfriend:

• Be willing to “hang out” with him and his guy friends (don’t intrude on their “man time”, but if he asks you if you want to come over to watch the football and drink beer, say yes. Then make an effort to be involved and enjoy yourself, but don’t try and turn yourself into a thug to gain his approval).
• Surprise him with a gift every now and then – no, not socks or underwear or basically anything else that he is likely to get from his mother for Christmas. Try concert tickets to see a band he likes, or an experience on a fishing charter (whatever activity he will enjoy).
• Don’t leave your toothbrush at his house (if you need clarification on why, watch the Big Bang Theory episode where Leonard tries to convince everyone his girlfriend has not moved in with him).
• Quick kisses are appreciated, but don’t try and sit on his lap for a “snuggle” whilst you’re at a coffee shop.
• And finally, don’t be over the top when you meet his parents. Take along a tin of biscuits you made yourself, or a cake, but don’t shell out on a $100 bottle of champagne for a Sunday afternoon tea. 

Answer 3

I love the fact that women write articles on how to please men. Whilst the above suggestions sound ok, let’s face it: they were written by a woman. Instead, try taking man advice from a man. Men’s Health also has a list of how to be a good girlfriend, but they suggest:

• Have a sense of humour. If your man screws up, laugh about it with him, don’t tell him he’s a failure.
• Don’t fuss over your man like a mother hen, but do make him soup when he’s sick and be willing to comfort him after a bad day at work.
• Be specific with compliments – tell them what you love about them, and why.
• Be nice to his friends and introduce him to yours.
• Lastly, take care of how you look, but don’t make him wait an hour and a half whilst you get ready to go down to the park.