Why don’t I have friends?

Question

I’m so lonely! I’m 28 years old, single, and a college graduate. Three years ago I moved to a new state for my job and I haven’t made a single friend here. No one calls, no one comes over. The people at work are polite but never make any overtures of friendship. Admittedly, I’ve never had a lot of friends or been a party girl. I’m sort of an introvert. Back home I spent a lot of my free time with family. Now that I’m a thousand miles away I need companions. Why don’t I have any friends?

Answer 1

Moving away from everything familiar is always hard, especially leaving family and friends behind. And it’s no one’s fault that you don’t have friends yet, especially not yours.

I know when I moved away from my hometown I struggled to find friends. It seemed like everyone already had their own little circle of longtime friends and didn’t care to add anyone new. That was a hard time in my life but I made it through and you will, too.

It began to change around for me when I realized I wanted friends to make me happy…but it really isn’t anyone else’s responsibility to take on that job. I am responsible for my own happiness. And no one was going to come knock on my door and ask me to be their friend while I sat and moped in my apartment.

So instead of setting around watching TV all evening I started going out more. I took a photography class because it was something I’d always been interested in. I joined a book club at the local library and volunteered to walk dogs at the shelter on weekends. These were all things I loved and it got me around other people who shared my passions. Before too long I met a couple of women who became my friends and soon I had an active, satisfying social life.

My advice is to start embracing your independence. This is the time to do things you want to do. Enjoy it. The rest will follow its natural course.

Comments

well, this is not why don’t I have friends.

Answer 2

So, why don’t you have friends? Um, you know the old saying…you’ve got to be a friend to have a friend? Well, it’s true. You say no one calls you. Have you tried calling them? No one comes over. Have you invited anyone? Friends need you to care about them as much as you need them to care about you. If you know one of your co-workers is upset or disappointed about something, offer to lend a sympathetic ear. Be the thoughtful one who brings in a dozen donuts in the morning. Ask a neighbor if she needs you to pick up anything while you’re at the grocery store. Look for opportunities to help those around you and be a friend. Soon you’ll have plenty of people who want to be your friend, too.