Why don’t long distance relationships work?

Question

I recently ended a pretty lengthy long distance relationship. All of our friends told us that it would never work, but we had faith that we’d be the couple to show everyone they were wrong. However, it happened like it does for so many other couples. Are all long distance relationships doomed to fail?

Answer 1

Long distance relationships just aren’t real relationships. They can’t work because it’s something that only exists online or in the virtual word. You can’t bring them as a date to your friend’s party, take them home to your parents’ for dinner, or go on a date together period like most normal couples. I mean you can fool yourselves into thinking there’s hope or a physical future in store, but in reality it’s all a lie to mask the pain that what you have only exists through Skype and messages.

Answer 2

I don’t think all long distance relationships are doomed to fail! I think the reason why long distance relationships don’t work is because of a lack of commitment from both parties and because often the relationship drags on without either person ever planning to move (so no light at the end of the long distance relationship tunnel). Years and years ago, a good friend of mine dated a girl in Australia whilst he was living in the United States. They broke up after six months (that’s not the important part of this story). Before they broke up, my friend introduced his best friend to one of his girlfriend’s good friends via the wonder that is Skype. The two friends had a good chat, swapped email addresses, stayed in contact, swapped Skype addresses, started chatting regularly and eventually he went to Australia for six months so they could meet in person. They became a couple. After he went back to the States they continued the relationship via Skype and email, until about a year later, when she went out to the States for six months. This went on for a few years, until (eventually), they got engaged, got married and moved to Australia permanently. Very happy ending! They did say, however, that the long distance aspect of their relationship was difficult and only survived because they were both very loyal and committed to the relationship, stayed in constant contact via instant messaging, email and Skype, and continually set new dates when they would see each other again (even if it was six months in the future, it gave them something to look forward to).

Answer 3

As to why don’t long distance relationships work, I think relationship is more about intimacy, yet long distance can easily break that.

You know words eventually lose their meaning when there’s no action to back them up. Long distance relationships make action impossible, and without action there’s nothing keeping you there to believe what the other person says. Sure you can send each other long, detailed love letters and talk every day but the longer things go on the less genuine those words seem. Eventually, writing and saying “I love you” starts sounding like empty words that don’t really mean anything when there’s a physical absence in your life.

Answer 4

I got something to say about why don't long distance relationships work as well.

I don’t personally that all long distance relationships are doomed to fail, but I do think the risks are a lot higher. For example, think about the basic foundation of any good relationship: communication. If your partner is living on the other side of the world from you, it can be pretty hard to schedule Skype calls that aren’t in the very middle of the night for one of you. It can also be a very expensive relationship – if your partner is living a few hours away by car then you can do regular road trips (which will add up in the cost of fuel alone), but if they live overseas and you want to try and visit on a regular basis then suddenly you’re looking at airfares, travel insurance, the high cost of airport parking, etc. It can also be frustrating to find yourself in a relationship, but without a partner. Who will be your plus one for weddings and family dinners? I think for a long term relationship to work then you need to have a definite end date in mind. For example, you’re heading overseas for a six month job placement, you schedule in one 3 week holiday for your partner at around the three month mark and by the time they head home you can tell yourself you’ve only got a few weeks to go.

Answer 5

I started noticing that I was detaching from the real world the longer my long distance relationship went on, and in the end it failed because I was sacrificing too much for it. I would rush home after school to get online and talk to him, putting off homework and projects until my grades started going down. I’d make excuses not to hang out with friends because it took time away from what I had to get on Skype and see my boyfriend. I spent more time on the computer and attached to my phone than with my family. The virtual world was the only one that we had to spend time together, so I left the real world behind for the sake of my relationship. This is probably one of the worst things I could have done for not only my life but my future too. The one that was rooted in the real world anyway and not the hopeful one I had for my relationship. I didn’t realize until our relationship was over how much I had pushed everyone and everything away for him.

Answer 6

Long distance relationships can be expensive, and trying to arrange a meeting with each other usually doesn’t work because of time and money. It’s not like you can just go get lunch together or see a movie. The girl I was in a long distance relationship with lived in another country, so just to go on vacation to see her meant saving up the time at work, getting a passport, buying a plane ticket, getting a hotel because she lived with her parents, as well as having some extra cash to spend on food and things I might want while I was there. The company I worked for at the time only allowed you to take vacation days during certain parts of the year, and this didn’t always work out with her schedule. We never did get to actually meet in person because I just couldn’t afford it.

Comments

This is more realistic to this why don’t long distance relationships work question. And actually I kinda had the same long distance relationship when I was at my early twenties. It just couldn’t work out.

Answer 7

Why don’t long distance relationships work is because that physical aspect is more important that you think. I have a friend of mine that considers breaking up with her boyfriend who’s going off for a compulsory military training. They haven’t met for 3 weeks, and they managed to meet each other once a week since then… See, it just won’t work, because he can’t be there for her all the time. Hugs are great and you will start missing it, sooner than you think.

If you stick to a phone, voice and video chat session, it’s such a huge step down from just talking face to face or while cuddling on the sofa. It’s just cold, you can’t feel that emotion the same. You can’t see her smile when you want to, you can’t just have a quiet time with each other, you can’t tell by body language is she’s upset. It’s all up to each other to be open to knowing how each other feel. The key to solving this problem is communication. That can actually be harder than most people think. It’ll only make you feel like dating a ghost or a robot, which is cool to me, but not great in maintaining a long distance relationship.

Answer 8

Cheating ruins any relationship and it’s hard enough to trust anyone nowadays, let alone someone you can never physically spend time with. Long distance relationships take a lot of trust, and they always seem to eventually end because cheating is easier. Sometimes the loneliness gets overwhelming and it’s easy to talk yourself into the fact that cheating is okay in a long distance relationship.

There’s nothing that can justify it, but I ended up cheating in my own long distance relationship. I got drunk at a friend’s party and let my wants take over when I wasn’t very clear headed. Most of the time, there’s no one in your everyday life that’s in your significant other’s life too, so the chances of them finding out are very slim. This mixed with an aching for a physical connection that your girlfriend or boyfriend can’t give you makes staying faithful hard. So how do long distance relationships ever work?

Answer 9

When I was in my long distance relationship, people were always asking me how I knew he wasn’t cheating on me or how we dealt with never being able to physically be together. It all comes down to a lot of trust, but that trust gets harder and harder to keep going. Not to mention, a long distance relationship is so demanding and requires so much energy that they’re hard to keep going. I was so lonely despite the fact I had a boyfriend, and making the effort to keep in touch with everything else going on in my life was really exhausting. He felt like a chore more than a boyfriend most of the time in the later stages of our relationship. No matter how big of a hopeless romantic you might be, there’s not a big enough reward to outweigh the demands and hardships of a long distance relationship. I guess that’s why don't long distance relationships work.

Answer 10

Who wants to be in a relationship with someone that you can never see? Some of the best parts of a relationship (holding hands, whispering to each other in the middle of the night, surprising your partner with breakfast in bed, etc.) you just can’t enjoy if your only contact is via the internet.