I don't know too much about your situation, but I want to share my story.
I hate when people say, “you should respect her, just because she’s your mom”, because clearly they don’t understand what it’s like to have a parent who seems to despise you. I can truly relate to you. My own mother has said and done such terrible things to me, things no regular mother would. It reaches a point where all of the awful things your parent says get past a personal level. Personally, I lost respect for my mother when I started thinking of her in an unbiased, third person view. It’s not just the harmful relationship she forces on you, it’s just her and how she is. For instance, when I was in middle school, my mother told me she wanted me to become slutty and get pregnant in high school. I don’t know, I guess she feels like my brothers and I ruined her life, so she wishes the same misfortune on me.
It used to make me cry a lot because, after all, she is my mother. But these days, from one woman to another, I think it’s disgusting for a mother to say something like that, or many of the other things she’s said, to her daughter. That’s why I don’t respect her. If you’re a mother and tearing down your children is what makes you feel good, you have no right to be a parent. There’s no sense in trying to respect a person like that. If you have toxic people in your life, don’t feel guilty cutting them out. Your parents are supposed to love you the most.
I truly hope I don’t act like my mother when I have children of my own. That’s why it’s so important not to make excuses for toxic parents: it makes their behavior acceptable. But it’s not acceptable, and you don’t deserve that kind of treatment. And you shouldn’t feel obligated to respect anyone who treats you like that.